


Unspoken

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, M/M, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, season 15 coda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2020-12-23 17:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid, but some things should never go unspoken.





	1. No Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dean, you asked what about all of this is real.  
“We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15x02 spoilers

“Dean.”

Dean stops. He shakes his head to himself. _ You should leave, just keep going. You’ve made your point. _

Instead he turns. He wants to punch something.

Cas is standing there, arms at his side. His voice doesn’t shake, his expression doesn’t change.

“You asked what about all this is real.”

The silence weighs on them both. Dean thinks about walking away. He waits. Cas opens his mouth again.

“We are.”

He stares at Dean intently, as if willing him to understand exactly what he is trying to say.

Dean wants to walk away. He wants to reiterate. He wants to tell Cas again that _ nothing _ is real anymore. That it never was. All those late nights, not doing anything but sitting and enjoying the other’s company. All those hunts when Dean would get beaten within an inch of his life (It’s just a scratch, Cas. I’m fine), Cas healing him with a gentle touch of his hand. All those times Dean would wake up not being able to _ breathe_, Cas being there, _ right there, _to hold him. 

All those times Cas was gone for days, weeks, months, Dean never knowing what to do without him.

None of it was real.

Cas shifts on his feet, edging closer. _ Here. Now. This is real. You have to see that. _

Dean sighs so softly. It’s a broken sound. 

_ But it’s not. _

Cas doesn’t move. Dean doesn’t move. They are frozen six feet away from each other. 

_ I told you I needed you, but if none of it was real… _

(_ It has to be real.) _

_ Then that wasn’t either. _

Dean walks away.

Cas stands in the empty room. 

He waits. 

He waits for Dean. 

He waits for Dean to come back. 

He waits for Dean to come back, to understand.

_ We were real. _

_ We are real. _

_ But maybe this is the end. _

_ And we can’t be real anymore. _


	2. No Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, 15x03 kinda ruined me, so here I am with even more angst for all you lovely people.

Dean is drained. He‘s angry. He‘s tired of it. All of the shit they went through. Rowena. Ketch. Even Bel. They were so close to succeeding without casualties. So _fucking _close. And it all came crashing down around them, just like it always does. 

He pours himself a drink.

There’s a rustling sound. The brush of heavy fabric.

The hunter looks up, all sharp edges and fire. A wounded animal.

Cas is there again at the threshold of the room like he was back at the high school, standing still and watchful. “How’s Sam?”

Dean shifts, leans against the table. His eyes are bright. “Not great.” 

Cas nods absently. The silence stretches for a moment, digging under both their skins. Cas thinks about how this kind of quiet has become all too familiar in the last few days.

”I’m sorry about Rowena.”

”You’re sorry?” And now Dean’s voice is more than just sharp edges. It’s a knife clenched in shaking hands.“Why didn’t you just stick to the damn plan?”

“The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something _always_ goes wrong.”

”Yeah and why does that something always seem to be you.”

It isn’t a question. It’s an accusation. And it hits home. Dean sees the hurt in Cas’ eyes, his stance, the way he sinks down as if under some invisible weight. Dean tells himself he doesn’t care. For a moment, the only sound is the pounding of his heart. _Liar_.

”You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt.” The angel’s voice is clear and calm, despairing. “Now you can barely look at me.”

Dean wants to deny it. Can’t.

Cas sighs. ”My powers are failing and I’ve tried to talk to you. Over and over and you just don’t want to hear it. You don’t care. I’m...” He hesitates. “...dead to you.”

Dean’s expression remains guarded, but the words come flooding back, all blame and broken wood. _I swear if he did something to her, if she’s—then you’re dead to me._

Cas watches him carefully. “You still blame me for Mary.”

Dean nods faintly. _(No. No, I blame myself. God, I blame myself.)_

”Well, I don’t think there’s anything left to say,” Cas murmurs.

He turns. Dean’s hand shakes. 

“Where are you going?”

He’s still angry. He’s stilled pissed, but when Cas looks over his shoulder, some part of Dean’s anger fades. Cas looks old, ancient, and so so tired.

”Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other.”

_(You don’t need me. You never needed me. Not really.)_

“I think it’s time for me to move on.”

And Cas is walking away. He’s leaving. _He’s leaving. _

Dean realizes that cold, sinking feeling in his chest isn't anger anymore; it’s fear, regret, the onset of something akin to loneliness but much more potent. 

_If I wasn’t so stubborn..._

Cas walks up the stairs.

_If I wasn’t such a fucking coward..._

The door creaks open.

_Maybe I’d stop you..._

Dean feels sick to his stomach.

_Maybe I’d tell you—_

The door slams shut.

Dean is alone.

Cas doesn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated :) Let me know what you thought of this fic or what you thought about the most recent episode.


	3. No Future?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Since when do we get what we deserve?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15x08 spoilers

It’s strange having Cas back. Maybe it’s because he isn’t really back. Not completely.

Dean can feel the distance between them. The distance as small as the table separating them and as large as the breath between their finger tips. A cage with walls they created for themselves. Made of sharp words and slammed doors and regret.

Rowena sees it. Rowena sees it almost immediately. Dean shifts and brushes it off. 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

_(Liar.)_

_Shut up._

And now he’s faced with a new sort of distance. 

The rift to Purgatory falls far short of welcoming. It glows and hums and Dean realizes he’s come full circle. 

Cas stands beside him, silent except for his faint, familiar breathing. Dean doesn’t dare meet his gaze.

They're back to where they began so many years ago. The circle is complete, yet somehow Dean feels they have only grown apart. And God he hates himself for it.

Dean takes the lead. Cas follows.

Adam’s words echo in Dean’s head.

”Since when do we get what we deserve?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sick, so that’s why this is crap. Bye.


End file.
